Just want to apologize again that I’m late on this blog, but damn have I been busy.
I’m not entirely sure what is wrong with me, but I cried all of yesterday. All of my emotions decided to flood out all at once while eating dinner with Chris. I have just realized how much in love with Chris I really am, and it pretty much just hit me that I don’t want to have to waste my time with another guy ever, I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
The thing that is most difficult in our relationship is we barely know how to be a couple outside of just the two of us. We are so spoiled, it’s constantly just me and him, so when we’re with other people, with family, friends, we almost don’t know how to act, or be and there is constant fighting and bickering because of it. Now, because of this, a lot of people don’t understand the way he makes me feel and vice-versa so I feel like everyone looks at Chris as “just a phase” or something I’ll overlook a few months down the line, but I don’t think I was meant to be that kind of person.
Everyday I see more couples than single people walking the streets. And it gets me wondering, how many of them are actually in love. How many of them are just playing the part of the girlfriend, or boyfriend, just so they don’t have to feel alone in this world. How many of other peoples hands they’re going to hold in their lifetime, how many they’ve held in their past. I just don’t see myself as a relationship person. I think that once I find someone (which I honestly think I have) then that’s it, that’s the person I’m going to be with.
I just don’t get people sometimes. I see people like Madison, or Jessica (Nick’s Ex) who “fall in and out of love” every other hour. I just don’t see how that is possible. I thought I would “fall” for people but now that I’ve actually experienced what love is, that was no where near it. That was me starting something so I can feel apart of something like all the other drones on our planet.
But what is love? I used to ask myself, “how will I know when I’m in it?”. I can tell you this, the day I said ‘I love you’ to Chris, I was not in love. I thought I was, but to me, love is the ultimate feeling you can have in a relationship. You can’t feel more than love, and since I’ve said those four letters, I have fallen deeper and deeper and last night I think I finally fell in love with Chris. And it’s scary because it happened so quickly and I feel like there is no way out of this, but at the same time the security is incredible.
Now I understand where you come from Sabrina, when you love someone, it doesn’t matter what they do, that love just doesn’t vanish. The idea of falling out of love with someone just does not seem plausible, in my opinion, those who fall out of love, were never completely in love but only had a taste of what felt right.
I’m usually the girl who hates to be spoiled, hates to be taken out, hates when a guy is the perfect gentleman but Chris is all of the above. He opens EVERY door for me, car doors and all. Makes sure I leave the elevator first. Even pulls my chair out for me when we go to a restaurant. He’s the most kind to me out of everyone I have ever been with, and usually I would get bored within the first few dates (Teddy was the same way, ew), but there’s something about Chris that just makes me so happy every time he’s there next to me. I can’t help but melt.
I don’t know if you get this with Andrew, but the most amazing thing for me about being in love is that buzzy feeling I get when he comes near me. I’ll see him undressing, getting ready for bed, and he’ll start coming close to me, to come cuddle, and I literally want to cry every time because of how strong the sensation is when he’s close.
I’m going to conclude this rant by saying, fuck you birth control. You have risen my endorphin levels by WAY too much. I’m talking like a girl. An annoying girl who’s obsessing and cries way too fucking much. Ugh.
P.S. I got waaayyy too high on 420.
P.P.S. I miss you and macaroni and cheese.
P.S.P.S? Vegas talk coming next blog! 🙂