Three months have gone by, and many things have happened. However, I will only recap briefly on my life.
- Had a freakout / panic attack / tantrum with Andrew during my first week back from school, scared him without knowing it, probably caused some major distancing.
- Started Lexapro at 10mg.
- Began seeing Dr. P.
- Thought things were getting better.
- My libido fucking FAILED so epicly, thanks a lot.
- More distancing in our relationship.
- Andrew turned 19.
- We broke up.
- I attempted suicide.
- Went to the ER the next day at UCLA’s Resnick center.
- Stayed in the hospital for a week.
- Told Andrew about my situation, freaked out again, then had a wonderful epiphany.
- Best friend moved away.
- Lonely as fuck.
- Tried convincing Andrew that we should be together again, didn’t work, he doesn’t trust me.
- Sexy tanned on July 4th with Brenda and my mom, didn’t really do much, saw fireworks, and smoked in a cool spot with Brenny.
- Began partial program, did that for 2 and a half weeks.
- Looked desperately for a job, applied to a billion places.
- Acting class
- Taking a semester off of Berkeley fosho fosho.
- Got my first job at Pinkberry. Go me! No free froyo. 😦
- Mary Poppins with Andrew at OCPAC.
- He secretly loves me 😀
Back to the present. I love Andrew. And I like having a job. It’s bomb.
But what I really wanted to talk about was that like, seriously… I love Andrew. I’m actually starting to feel like he’s my real soul mate more and more. Which is weird, since I don’t necessarily believe in soul mates. Or it’s more like I don’t really believe that everyone has one. Or actually, maybe I do believe that everyone has a soul mate, they just don’t always meet them. Fuck that. I have no idea what I believe about that, but I am starting to believe that Andrew is my soul mate.
I can’t imagine myself with any other person long term (and I’m a long-term kind of gal, I think). I want to grow old and disgusting with him and do awesome fun things with him like travel the world and have a crazy beautiful garden and have a pet duck and have a blooming weed business with our own strains and work with elephants in Thailand together. I want to wash his hair in the shower and pretend to be Mr. and Mrs. Claus in the bathtub. I want him to pop the zits on my back like the primates we are and tickle me everyday even if it’s not enjoyable.
I don’t care if I’m only 18 and he’s only 19. I don’t care if he’s the only guy I’ll ever kiss. A kiss from him is the greatest kind of magic I’ve ever experienced, on the lips, on the cheek, on the forehead, anywhere. Of course you think I could do better, because you may not have any idea how he makes me feel. We all have different preferences, so what!
I wrote a flippin’ poem thing about/to him last night. I am so lame and so in love.
Life is good.