I Would Feel Free To Say That I Was Gay

I realize now I only have ten minutes left to write and post this, but I’ll change the date if I end up finishing late.

I’m not going to talk about your life with Andrew any longer. The texts this morning reassured me that you’re completely fine and I was being stupid, and distant from you. It’s not my responsibility to worry for you, but if you ever need a friend I’ll always be here, 40 miles away…

I love Chris.
No matter how much we fight, he’s always the person I want to snuggle up with at the end of the day and I know I get really bitter when we don’t. He’s trying so hard to change his habits for me (especially with gaming) and I need to start learning how to change my own (social aspects) so that we can be happy together. That doesn’t mean he’s never allowed to play a computer game ever again, or I’m never allowed to hang out with people, we just need to figure out some sort of medium that works for us.

Chris came across my blog yesterday (I had no idea he would actually read it) and assured me that he didn’t delete the text, so now I feel kind of bad for ever thinking it. That guy in my music theory class, aka Kyle, turned out to be somewhat of a creeper anyways. Like today, last thing we said to eachtother was:

Kyle: “You should definitely hit me up this weekend and we should chill.”
Me: “I don’t really know how my boyfriend feels about me hitting another guy up.”
Kyle: “Well, you should either make him get over it. Or……. change boyfriends.”
Me: “NO!”

It startled me and immediately afterwards I called Chris and told him I missed him so very much. The thought of getting someone new really scares me. I hate it. Ew. I love Chris, I don’t want anyone else.

I’ve been reading my sex ed book (because I actually enjoy reading it, don’t ask) and the chapter we’re on is about GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transvestite). They were doing a bunch research studies in order to find a pattern in those who are heterosexual and homosexual. They tried to figure out if mothers took hormones, or stressed (rise in hormones) would make a homosexual baby. There isn’t much proof on that but the thing they found the most proof on, there are still flaws, that men (and lesbian women)’s ring fingers are longer than the pointer finger of the right hand only. While women (and gay men) either have the same size finger, or the pointer is slightly longer.

Of course I checked my fingers and on my right hand my ring finger is noticeably longer lol. Might be a complete coincidence, but hey, the factors add up. 😛

Also, I still truly believe that no one is 100% straight, or 100% gay, or it’s rare at least. I do believe that everyone is born bisexual and stay bisexual but range differently in percentage. So most lean to being more straight, but then there are poeple who are more so stuck in the middle, or lean to the opposite side. I can’t really tell where I am, but I definitely am more gay than both you and Brenda and I’m completely fine with it.

I spent lunch with this guy Jerry today after my voice for the actor class. He’s so adorable, the way he talks about his girlfriend. They have been together for 6 days longer than me and Chris, but he gets a lot of shit for it because he’s 18, in college, and she’s only a sophomore in high school (age 15). He showed me pictures of her and she’s seriously the cutest thing ever. Awww, she’s adorable lol. I definitely have a mini crush on her.

Tuesday I went to school at 9am because Chris had work at 9:30am. My first class is Chinese those days (which is super interesting by the way) and that normally starts at 10:30am. It was canceled. :K And my next class wasn’t until 3:30pm. So I basically befriended this guy named Mike. He’s super interested, I think he has aspergers. He’s been in a relationship with this girl for about a year and a half now but they’re in a polygamous relationship. I spent about 4 hours talking to him. He’s kind of a freak, but I make freakish friends.

That’s about all I have to say.
I miss you, and hope to see you soon!

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