The Internet Is For Porn

I’m excited to karaoke tonight. 🙂 Wish you were here.
Cops are scary. When you say running into the po kind of ruined your Lion King experience, how badly did it ruin it? Did you still love it? Was it what you expected? Tell me how you felt about the movie, yo.

I wanted to talk about something that happened, and freaked me out last night. Last night I was super, super tired and so around 12:30 I told Chris I was going to lie down, and I asked him to come to bed as soon as he was done (he was working on some googleAD thing where he gets paid to.. idk, it’s confusing). He told me he would be in by 1am, and I was happy with that so went to bed.

Kitten disturbed my slumber around 2am, I sometimes hate how cats are nocturnal, and Chris wasn’t in bed yet so I left my bedroom to go find him. I figured he was playing his game that always refrains him from sleeping, but to my surprise he was doing something COMPLETELY different.

I’m pretty sure this stuff is personal, but whatever, you’re my best friend. I walked out to catch him jerking off to porn….

I felt like I walked in on my parents or something because it freaked me out. I walked up to him, head down, tapped him and went back into the bedroom. I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry (at the time). I just felt so still, numb almost, with this thickness in my chest that I never felt in my entire life. I felt so… lied to. And grossed out at the same time, porn is nasty.

He quickly came into the bedroom to see if I was doing alright. I was still and silent. I didn’t want to give him the cold shoulder, because I somewhat understand that he’s a horny guy and has needs and I haven’t been providing those needs lately. But I couldn’t help the way I felt, I didn’t expect for my body to tense up that way.

He pulled me into him, and I tried to push him away, it ached too much (not even sure why). He didn’t give up and kept pulling me in and I broke down. My body gave up trying to hold back from crying, and I fell.

Now, Chris is amazing. I realize this every time we fight lol. The way he handles things reassures me that he loves me and I’m in love with him. He let me cry it out, and held me through it and asked me what I thought happened. I knew what happened, I knew that he wanted to start making porn ads on google (I can’t really explain it without showing you lol) and make a lot of money from it. So I knew that he probably was doing that, started getting horny and BAM! And that was exactly what did happen, and I understood but I can’t explain why it killed me so much.

I think it hurt more because I felt lied to. He said he’d be with me at 1am, and he was obviously busy. He’s so sweet though. He was holding me and telling me he was imaging it was me, and I believe that. He also made a deal with me, that from now on we go to bed together. No matter what. I love him.

Anyways, you asked me a question on what realistic pet I would have if I could. Cats are my favorite, but I guess besides another cat I would want…. uh… are otters realistic? Lol.

I’m so excited to see Chris tonight at Karaoke! He’s coming around 10, and it’s somewhat of a bar and he said he’s gonna get me a drink. 🙂 Lol. I love that my boyfriend is over 21. Win. Hope to see you soon sexy.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s