Merry Christmas! Apparently it’s that time of the year again… and I’m blogging from my iPhone. How cool have I gotten?! Ha.
So technically it’s not Christmas anymore, which means that I’ll make this is a New Year’s blog as well. Let’s recap the year and see how I’ve done….
I started off the new year in Mammoth with my boyfriend and his family. In the middle of the month I left for Berkeley and started my first semester there. It all started off semi-well. I met some pretty cool people and thought my classes were kind of decent.
I had my first real Valentine’s Day when Andrew came to visit me. I also had the worst hangover of my life. When he left, the depression attacked me and I stopped caring about my classes. I think I started counseling that month, or it may have been the next month.
I dropped my English class. I was less stressed but life wasn’t much better. I was part of the costume crew for Chang and Eng and quite enjoyed it. I went back home to visit during spring break… and it wasn’t as nice as it should have been. It didn’t make me much happier.
I learned how to sew with Tim and had fun making costumes for Children of Eden. Things were getting shaky between me and Andrew. We couldn’t vchat everyday anymore, because I couldn’t handle it. I asked if he even wanted to be with me anymore. My visit home this month was even worse, and I left home with the most uncomfortable premonition that Andrew and I weren’t going to last. I denied it all that I could but that nasty feeling was still there. I started cutting myself and almost passed out in the bathroom because of it.
My emotional status hadn’t changed much at this point. I got really excited to leave, yet I didn’t feel any better once I was home. I started seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist as soon as I got back. I started Lexapro at 10mg and thought I felt a little better. I wasn’t manic but I wasn’t any happier. The night I started my meds, I had a terrible tantrum at Andrew’s house and then sparked the moment of fear and tension between us. Our chemistry and desire for each other dwindled and died.
Ahh quite a month. We’ll go through it quickly since we both remember it pretty clearly, I think. Andrew and I agreed to break up. My first breakup, and I did not take it well. Two days later I attempted to asphyxiate myself with a plastic bag and not enough drugs. The next day, I went to the emergency room at UCLA. I stayed there for a week, got my dose upped to 20mg, and found myself, to put it simply enough. Best friend moved away 😦
Never a better time to celebrate freedom! A week after my release from inpatient, I got sent across the street to my adult partial program. I probably stayed there for about a month and found it kind if boring and not very helpful. More than anything it was a waste of money and time, because not a whole lot got accomplished. HP7 pt2 came out, and I cried because Harry was going to leave his friends and his world to walk into Death’s welcoming arms.
It was made official that I’d be staying here this semester. I got my first job at Pinkberry on the 3rd. Andrew and I slowly began connecting again through acting class. And ’twas the death of my social life.
All my friends left me. I got a traffic ticket, for which I still need to do community service. Saw Lion King in theaters and didn’t enjoy it as much as I wanted to. Andrew and I were sort of almost together but not really. Not a very exciting month.
Started making my Halloween costume which turned out to be epic. I began my job at EcoMinded. Andrew and I got together again, even though he was starting to neglect me already. I got a tattoo and went to court for my ticket. Happy Halloween!
Ingrid and I started hanging out and it was cool. We signed up for the Yule Ball and started getting ready for it. Went to Vegas with my lovelies. I turned 18, broke up with Andrew, and had a sad, sick Thanksgiving. Made out with a different boy… Yuck!!!
I moved out and stopped taking my meds (mostly because I couldn’t afford anymore). Had a fucking blast at the Yule Ball with Ingrid and became much better friends with her. I officially met Thomas Horton and am now crushing super intensely 😛 Had Secret Santa at work, Pre-Christmas Christmas with Ingrid, and ditched my own family’s Christmas. Then, I went to Utah and went sledding on Christmas. And now it’s now.
So I missed my kiss under the mistletoe this year. But I did manage to survive 2 breakups in one year with the same guy. I guess that’s something!
I guess after all that’s happened in my world this year, I’ll be entering 2012 as a truly strong, independent woman. I may be a Ravenclaw – where those of wit and learning will always find their kind – but sometimes I wonder if I’m secretly a Gryffindor – where dwell the brave at heart.
Either way, I’ve learned a lot this year. Next year is exciting and scary and daunting and dreadful and hopeful all at the same time. Anyway, I’m excited to get together with you to discuss the old and new year in person. Let’s set goals and reminisce and make plans! Let’s make 2012 a good one! Especially if it is going to be the end of the world!
Cheers and Happy Holidays, Elana!
Hope you had a good one.